Blood will out

bloodI have to have my blood tested regularly, so I consider myself a bit of an expert. I wear that strip of Micropore plaster on the inside of my elbow like a campaign medal.

You could say, when it comes to the needle, my arm is an old hand, if not a pin cushion. They do a very good blood test at the Royal South Hants Hospital in Southampton; indeed it’s so good that the queues start forming half an hour before the department opens. I swaggered in at 2.15pm this afternoon and I was 33rd in line.

They have numbered tickets, like the delicatessen in a supermarket. We sit, arms folded in the waiting area, watchful, in case anyone sabotages the system, and give withering looks if anyone’s mobile rings.

The jabber on duty is usually quick and efficient and the whole thing runs very smoothly. Well done, NHS. When the blood is being taken, I affect nonchalance while I stare out of the window at the trees.

Occasionally, however I run into a few problems and my arm is jabbed several times without success. Rather like getting blood out of a stone; my veins seem to disappear (according to the jabber on duty).

Today was one such exception. “It’s not you, it’s me,” I said to the operative. “I’m being stingy with my blood today.”

I made a few other expert observations, explaining that my blood was like double cream, not like the easy-pouring stuff. She could squeeze out only a droplet, which wouldn’t satisfy the needs of the people in the lab.

All the same, I thought, looking at that meagre amount in the phial, it would be ample for a television crime scene. “Get this around to the lab for DNA testing, Golding,” the detective would say.

“And put out an all-ports alert for a shifty individual with Elastoplast on his arm.”

6 thoughts on “Blood will out

  1. Thanks for the suggestion Gale. I’ll try that … I’ve got another blood-sucking experience in ten days’ time! Granny, your tale of madwhiffery training was lovely, thanks for the share. Good to know I’m not the only miser on the blood giving lark!

  2. this mr 4x reminds me of when I was at madwifery edjumication eeeestablishment. Obviously the old blood sampling was on the list of things to learn before we let you loose on ra patients. Turned out I come from the high class ‘yur getting nowt’ section of society as your good self, so guess who was used as an excellent example for the entire class, all 15 of them..what fun that week was 😉

  3. I can’t help certain slightly disturbing pictures passing before my inner eyelid at that thought Mister Fourex😆

  4. Try drinking lots of water before you go for your next jab and see if that makes a difference. You have been doing a lot of traveling and may have been mildly dehydrated.

  5. So mean with the red stuff and yet bearing no resemblance whatsoever to Tony Hancock. No chance of the NHS vampires getting an armful then…😀

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